…Pain Is Essential

I can’t think of any human being who enjoys a life of constant disappointments, heartbreaks, rejection or anything that inflicts pain. But I also can’t imagine life without breathless moments, breaking us down. I believe that the best life lessons are learnt through painful experiences. I remember when I was little and I was being rebellious, my mother will let me touch hot things or fall just so I know how it feels to touch those things and play hastily in the future, and that was not because she loved me any less, that was her idea of teaching me a lesson, a lesson I may never forget hence never repeating the same mistakes again. 

The same thing happens with God, sometimes he let us go through the most challenging, excruciating and heart wrecking yet eye opening trials and tribulations and that is because he is teaching us to be strong and to hold on through anything. A few mistakes ago I was a totally different person from who I am today, I didn’t easily let go of anything or anyone that caused me pain. I held on so much pain that I couldn’t appreciate a good thing in front of me. My friends used to say I am fascinated by some kind of pain. I never understood how I was tolerating and taking all sorts of hurt from people but now I know those were life lessons and they were never going to go away unless they taught me was they were intended to teach me.

Today I am able to smile and do the things I love because I have felt pain, loss, humiliation, failure etc. I know how it feels to accept that things aren’t what we always anticipate, I know how it feels to forgive (sometimes even without getting an apology) and I know how it feels to get rid of anything and anyone that doesn’t grow me, benefit me or persistently make me sad. I know peace because I knew pain; I know happiness because the pain I felt in the past taught me to be grateful for life’s little yet beautiful moments.


This entry was posted on March 17, 2016. 2 Comments


” I’m too corrupted, too damaged to be anyone’s woman.” She said with tears rolling down her cheeks. I wanted to ask her why she will say such words but instead I thought of days I felt that way myself. Broken relationships don’t leave you with just a broken-heart, they rip you off your esteem and confidence, sometimes you don’t even recognise yourself after the relationship is over… The hardest thing about going through that is no one ever really understands your pain even if they have been through the same thing before and there is no medication for you to take and numb the pain…

What I can tell you is, it does get better, it heals. It may take time but it heals. While you’re at it, don’t nurture the pain, don’t go back to what broke you (chances are it will break you again). Remember you are an individual before anything or anyone else, do things that makes you happy. If you create your own happiness, no one can ever take it away from you! But if you place your happiness in other people’s hands, honey you are always going to end up disappointed.


This entry was posted on January 19, 2016. 2 Comments

—sneak peek—🙊🙊

I opened my eyes to the morning sun rays beaming through the window. I felt a wave of nausea hit me,ran to the bathroom and lost last night’s dinner. I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes were slightly red and swollen. I was dressed in an oversized t-shirt that obviously wasn’t mine. I looked around the house trying to figure out where I was. Then I walked back to the bedroom and picked my jeans and tank top that were scattered on the floor and dressed up and walked out.

Dear Woman ❤️

Happy new year, in all you do remember that you matter and that you’re precious. Sometimes life throws at us more than we think we can’t handle, in the midst of it all take a deep breath and remind yourself that God gives he toughest battles to his strong soldiers. #SoldierOn #BlackDontCrack #BerekaMosadi ❤️❤️❤️

LOVE!!! or Lost

Why do we throw around words like forever, love, need, together, trust
When we lie to people and make them believe in things we know
We aren’t ready to feel?
A few mistakes ago, I was young and I thought I was in love
I was tricked, unfairly and harshly tricked, when I really didn’t deserve it
Was I fool to trust someone who said they cared for me?
Or was I fool to trust my feelings?
Gosh my pride, everyone knew how much I loved him
And how bad the relationship ended
I was certain that the death of me was his mission
That what he really wanted to do was rip my heart off
And even thought I am over it, I am not over the embarrassment
And with that kinda experience people expect me to bash love;
Believe it only exists on TV
But how could I then not believe in love?
When I am a product of love; yes I am a love child
Am I supposed to be part of the many hearts addicted to pain and heartbreak?
Because of one bad experience?
Sometimes we love the wrong people, we pray and hope they are THE ONE
And when things don’t turn out how we anticipated we turn
Around and say love doesn’t exist
Sometimes the person you want to spend your forever with
Doesn’t see you in that way, or was never meant to walk with you that way
it hurts, I know but that is the reality of life

Precious Baby Bump

It felt more like a dream or was it because that’s what I wanted it be; nothing but a dream?  Weeks passed by and my belly was growing, every day I came to terms with it, the fact that I was going to be a mother.  My friends proposed that I have an abortion, but how do I live knowing that I am a murderer, will God even forgive me for that, first I commit sexual immorality and then commit murder, now that is something I was never going to be able to live with. I decided to keep the baby; it was my baby, my precious baby bump.

Two months later the man who did this to me sent me a message saying “bona gore o dirang ka ngwana yong, my wife had a heart attack and kgang eo e ka mmolaa”. My world shattered, I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, all the promises he made to me went down the drain. I felt all alone, the friends I had were no where to be found, my parents where highly disenchanted in me. I started loathing this “little devil” as I referred to it developing in me. This is not how I premeditated my life, how can I let a man who has no care for me destroy my life like this. I started having thoughts of taking my life, but how is that going to solve anything?

One cold winter morning I was walking from the clinic home, misplaced in my thoughts, could barely notice the little school kids fighting in front of me, something mysteriously got my attention, it was a little paper written “ THERE IS A FRIEND IN JESUS”. With a hopeless life I was leading, I unquestionably needed a friend. I picked the paper and read through, it was an invitation to a church crusade, it looked convincing, I wanted to know more about this friend. But how will I ever be welcomed in the house of the Lord when I am clearly a sinner? Even though I had my doubts, the little voice inside me anguished me day and night and I finally went.

As I approached the building that seemed like a church, a young lady came to me and received me with a smile and offered me a seat, it was most welcoming, I haven’t had anyone smiling at me in a while. I gently sat down and prudently listened to the preacher, after a lifetime of never being in church this felt worthy. After close to an hour of preaching it was time to go home, while everyone was greeting and chatting with each other, I walked out. I wanted to be alone and digest what I just heard.

I lay on my bed at night as I couldn’t sleep, I had a lot in my head as usual, but that night for a change the words that were running through my mind was what the preacher said that afternoon, the question he left us with “what do you live for”. Seven months pregnant and I had nothing I was living for; I was leading a hopeless and bitter life. I detested myself, I detested my baby father, I detested my friends for they left me after introducing to this pathetic excuse of a man who took my innocence and discarded me like yesterday’s newspaper. But the words from that sermon gave me hope, the preacher clearly stated that there was nothing God couldn’t forgive us for, and that the world had nothing to offer us except pain. I was ready and willing to find comfort in this friend Jesus; I was yeaning to know more about Him and what He can do for me. I have given everything a chance but It did not work for me, It did not give me the everlasting love, joy and peace that this Jesus was offering me.

After a month of going to church I was starting to feel alive again, I made friends who were less judgmental, the friends who taught me something no one ever cared to teach me; Prayer. Every night I kneeled down and prayed, I asked God to forgive me of my sins, I even had the courage to read a bible, I was starting to enjoy the scriptures.  I started accepting the baby growing inside me; I prayed for it all the time, it was my baby, my precious baby bump. The time arrived for me to give birth, it was a bouncing baby boy and I named it “Botshelo” which means Life. This baby gave me life; it was because of this baby that I know about God and his promises for me. I gave up my life as a person of the world and started living for God. I might have sinned but God did not condemn me, He restored me, He saved me and gave me life.

This Woman

I have seen women lifted by love.Countless women surrounded, fed, embraced by love.But most recently I have met a woman condemned by love.Alienated, starved, forgotten by love. The pain from love is visible in the eyes, heart, and soul of this woman.She who lives for love, who would die for love.Curiosity forces me to look deep into her. Big brown eyes tell of a man whose love was taken away as quickly as was given.A selfish man whose compassion drowned in these eyes.Taking advantage of the faith and forgiveness she possesses.Tears roll down her cheeks and begin to drip from her delicate chin. As sympathy overwhelms me I invite myself in for a better look.A bleeding heart welcomes me to the truth behind this love.What once was bliss has transformed.The love that filled now forces her to starve.An endless hunger that consumes, leaving nothing for this woman.This man has stripped her of all that she loved including himself.He has laughed at her sorrow and found comfort in her misery.My heart breaks for her as she opens up to let me in.

one foot after the other I step into her soul. My thoughts echo as I begin to connect with her sorrows.”Stop,” catches her attention as I start to reason with her.”Do not give yourself to this man.”Confusion fills her as she wakes to catch my gaze.”If your love/your life mean so little to you that you can just give it away, why should it mean any more to him?” I hear these words and reality sets in. I have met this woman in love.Alienated, starved, forgotten by love.I have seen into her eyes, felt her heartache, and visited her soul.

This entry was posted on May 20, 2014. 4 Comments

seventy times seven

“If you don’t forgive them, you will end up like them, your life is for you to make and holding on the past will only make you a horrible person” she said to her in her most calm tone.

Nine years ago, on a very vindictive day she received the most shocking and body paralyzing news, that her mother was no more, even though everyone around her saw it coming, little Leila was hoping for a miracle, she prayed to God that night to save her mother, unfortunately it didn’t go her way. This was the worst she ever had to deal, to her it was not just a week of mourning, It was a life time of agony and trauma. It is mutual that when someone passes away, the family members know what caused the demise, but in her case nobody said anything and she asked no questions, I don’t know if she was naïve or simply oblivious.Image

As time went by, she was able to put pieces together, two years later to be precise, the truth started surfacing and no one was there to be honest with her. Was it really vital for her to know the truth or was she perhaps too young to know? It is crucial to know the truth for someone to be able to move past an issue, or am I devious? Anyway the gossips’ started spreading and Leila wanted nothing more than to know the truth, she kept her hands on fire and eventually she got what she wanted. Regrettably for her the truth was not was she was expecting, too painful to deal with. Her life took a wrong turn, pain was all she was holding onto, she was angry and mean.

After a long time of struggling with these issues, she finally opened up to her aunt, for the first time in 9years she actually talked about her feelings, how angry she was, how disappointed she was. The thing she did not realize all this time was how it is important to forgive, that in order to be forgiven she had to be forgive and that forgiveness is not for the next person but for your own good. Mat 6:14-15 (NIV) “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But, if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Forgive and be forgiven and always remember, retaliation is for the Lord. If God di d not forgive us our sins, how many of us will still be alive? Jesus did not die so that we can walk around with burdens big enough to pull us down; He died so we will be able to experience everlasting love, joy and peace. We are in the world, but not of the world. Whatever that you might be going through, remember, give it to the Lord, it is not your battle to fight. Forgive to be forgiven, seventy times seven.

This entry was posted on May 20, 2014. 2 Comments